Hot weather, baseball bets and the best chicken thighs

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DONNIE JOHNSTON The Free Lance-Star

Let’s talk about some interesting stories and some of my pet peeves.

A friend and his wife were walking out of a popular grocery store recently when the young woman at the cash register started ringing a package of chicken thighs.

As she was about to scan the meat, my friend stopped her and asked, “Is it the front legs or the back legs, because I only want the front legs?”

The young auditor carefully examined the package but found nothing to tell him whether it was forelegs or hindlegs.

“I’m not really sure, sir,” she said.

“Well, I only want front legs,” my friend told her. “They are much softer.”

The controller told my friend to wait a minute and she would find out for sure. So she called the manager.

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“This gentleman wants to make sure these chicken thighs are front legs and I don’t see anything on the packaging that says if they’re front or back,” she told her boss.

The director rolled his eyes.

“A chicken only has two legs! he growled.

The controller, of course, was embarrassed, but everyone in line had a good laugh.

Sometimes you just have to think!

Lawyers are always looking to make money and if they can’t chase ambulances, they’ll be looking for clients on TV.

For several years, lawyers had been looking for people with mesothelioma, a cancer that can be caused by asbestos.

Now TV lawyers are looking for Americans who have health problems related to contaminated water at Camp Lejeune, a Marine Corps base in North Carolina.

For months now, adverts asking for anyone who got sick after living at Camp Lejeune have been airing day and night on a number of television stations. Now I’m starting to get emails from lawyers trying to do business.

I think it’s wonderful that so many lawyers care so much about the health of the American public – at 33% contingency.

Some lawyers have heart, and I know a divorce lawyer who is willing to prove it.

Every Valentine’s Day, she offers a free divorce to one lucky client. No kidding. True story.

For absolutely nothing, she will shoot one of Cupid’s arrows from a wounded heart. It is unknown where she embeds the arrow once it is extracted.

Such a heartwarming gesture.

In the upcoming baseball season, you can bet on sports including baseball at the Great American Ballpark in Cincinnati.

Yes, according to information, BetMGM Sportsbook will be set up at the Reds baseball stadium.

Meanwhile, Cincinnati’s greatest hitter of all time, Pete Rose, is banned from baseball because he bet on the sport some 35 years ago.

Come on guys! Give Pete a break. Put him in the Hall of Fame where he belongs!

Two expressions that I absolutely despise: “It is what it is” and “We agree to disagree”.

It’s like that! It makes about as much sense as “It’s not what it’s not”. He drives me crazy!

As for “We agree to disagree”, well, that makes even less sense. Grrr! Leave me alone!

Finally, the weather has been wonderful this week. So, is it Indian summer? Or is it Native American summer? Or is it the summer of the native peoples? Of course, you have to be politically correct in these crazy times.

Well, my great-grandmother was a full-blooded Chippewa and I say it’s Indian summer and whoever thinks it’s best to keep their sun out of my wick.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Donnie Johnson:

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